Finding Him
by ChloeJoMusic
Summary: Even through everything she has done, this is biggest mistake she has made. Ever. She made him go. Will she ever find him again and maybe find her true self in the process?
1. Chapter 1: Pushing

**Hello all! It has been forever and a day since I have written a fanfic and I thought where better than in the Hunger Games. **

**Sadly I do not own the rights to the Hunger Games, I am only the proud owner of all 3 wonderful Hunger Games creations by Suzanne Collins.**

**This takes place between the end of Mockingjay and the epilogue. Please tell me if you like it! If not I will not be offended, I would just like to know. If you have any constructive criticism or suggestions on what should happen please PM me. Also, I love getting to know new people so PM me anyways!**

**Well… Here you go! Enjoy!**

Chapter 1: Pushing

_By: Chloe Jo_

**Katniss's POV**

I keep pushing. I push everyone I love -or who has ever loved me- away. Now I fear that I have pushed them so far that I will never be able to pull them back to me… It's time to open my eyes and face another pointless, empty day. As I stretch my muscles, after another sleepless night, I hear all my stiff joints crack. Even this tiny motion brings memories flooding back of the one I have pushed farther away than anyone… Peeta.

"_My dear, you HAVE to wake up! Please! For me! Wake up! It is killing me to see you this way!" Peeta was trying to comfort me after another horrible nightmare. If the nightmare had not brought me to tears, then Peeta's face did. He had blood trickling from 3 gashes that go from his eye down his neck. Then, as if the physical harm I had caused him was not enough, the look of shear agony in his perfect blues eyes broke my heart. I slowly sit up, horrified with what I had done. I stretched my arms up and my entire joints crack, but I couldn't avoid noticing Peeta flinch away from their reach. The pain I must have caused him to put that look in his eyes…_

I am a monster. That day he told me he loved me. The way he used to tell me, 100% honestly. I was so infuriated with myself, for keeping someone so wonderful from someone who deservd him that I made the biggest mistake of my life. I told him to leave, leave and don't come back until I want you to.

"How long will that be? How long must I be away from my heart?" he asked. He was trying to be strong but I could hear the pain in his voice, which only made me hate myself more.

"I don't know… it could be forever."

In that moment, I wanted to tell him to take his heart, take it and run as far away from me as the planet would allow. I wanted him to lose his abundance of patience and to tell me to forget it. To tell me the truth I already knew, that I don't deserve him. Instead he did something that made everything so much worse.

Grabs my tear streamed face, makes me look him in the eyes, and in his most determined voice tells me, "If there is a chance, no matter how small, then I will wait for you. Always."

That was the last time I saw him. That was 3 months ago.

I finally get myself out of bed and shuffle to the bathroom. I had broken the mirror because I could not stand to look at myself. I decide to take a shower, there my tears can be confused with the water and I will not feel as weak. Feel like the slightest breeze could break me. After a few minutes of crying, I give up and slump to the ground. I do not know if I am tired, or if I want to drown, but it doesn't matter. I eventually get out of the shower and face the task of getting dressed. My hand reached for my typical t-shirt and jeans ensemble, but a very different outfit caught my eye.

It was a dress, but not just any dress. It had been a gift from him. It looked identical to the dress my mother had given my on the morning of the reaping of the 74th hunger games, the day I met formally met him. I mentioned that I missed the dress in passing and two weeks later, I found it in my drawer with a note on top of it.

_You look beautiful no matter what you wear. Love, Peeta._

On any other day I would have been disgusted by it, burst in to tears even, but today it was different. Today, it brought a sense of comfort to my emptiness.

Then I realized something that changed everything. I don't have to feel this way. My life doesn't have to be a waste. I just have to do one thing…

Find him.

**Thanks for reading the first chapter! I really hope you liked it because I liked writing it. I have so many ideas for where this story could go, but it you have any ideas, let me know! And please review! Thanks **

**~Chloe Jo**


	2. Chapter 2: Trying New Things

**Alright, I am sorry if this chapter is all over the place, I am just so excited for where this story is going to go. Please remember to review, they make me happy Thanks!**

**Happy Reading!**

Chapter 2: Trying New Things

_By: Chloe Jo_

I put on his dress with a new found spirit. For some reason, I think because it was from him, I felt kind of… happy.

I head down stairs and do something I hadn't done since he left. I made breakfast. After eating, I stay sitting at the table and try to figure out what do to as my first step to finding Peeta. Last I heard he had gone to the capital to help young bakers learn the best techniques and help them get their businesses going. I decide it would be a good idea to try doing some of the things he loved doing. I write down a list.

_Baking_

_Painting_

_Sitting in the meadow_

_Being nice to people_

I try to think of which to do first and I create a game plan for my day. First I was going to pack a basket paints, pencils, canvas and lunch. Peeta had tried to get me to paint with him for the longest time, I just wouldn't. After packing my stuff and making lunch I decide I might as well tackle number 4 while I am at it.

After everything is ready, I leave my house for the first time in 3 months and walk to the only house in Victor's Village that looks like someone from the Seam lives there. When I get to Haymitch's house I do not even bother knocking, I just let myself in.

Apparently I was not the only one who is having a good day. When I find Haymitch in his stinky man cave, he is actually awake and doesn't have a bottle or a knife in his hand. When he sees me, he nearly falls over from shock.

"Holy crap, sweetheart! It has been so long! I was starting to worry that you were dead." He said with bugged out eyes.

"I know, I am just as surprised as you are. I don't know what came over me… Here, I made you lunch." I hand hi one of the sandwiches I made and a bag of strawberries. "Well, I have some stuff I have to do, so I guess I will see you later."

I heard him mumble, "You getting dressed isn't going to be your only surprise today honey, but good thing you look nice. It will make it better." Then the door closed, I was not sure if I was supposed to hear him, or if that was even what he said.

As I leave Victor's Village and in to town, I am amazed. When Peeta left, the rubble had just been finished being cleared away. Now there were actually buildings, and some businesses are remarkably already open after just 3 months. After seeing all of the progress 12 has made recently, I feel so bad. Peeta would be so mad at me for letting myself waste away while the world right outside my door was rising from the ashes.

As I walk through the square, I smile up at what is the frame of the new Justice Building. I see that the grocery store is already open and make a mental note to stop there on the way home to get things to bake with.

I finally get to where I wanted to be, the meadow. This was one of Peeta's favorite places. He always said that the meadow's beauty and tranquility helped him sort out what was real and what wasn't. I take a deep breath of fresh air and can smell the flowers that are just beginning to bloom. I find the perfect spot next to a patch of orange poppies.

I pull out my art supplies and tried to remember what Peeta had always done when he started a painting. I remembered he always would draw what he wanted before he painted it, so I started there. I started to draw the poppy, but it was small. But for I really realized what I was doing, I was drawing a muscular, scarred hand holding out the poppy, then a man holding it. He had scars and burns on him. I did not know who I was drawing until I was almost finished with his face. It was him. He was holding out the flower for me to take.

I had put so much detail into the picture, like that laugh lines around his month, that I decided that I would only paint 2 things. The poppy, which would be his favorite sunset orange, and his beautiful blue eyes.

After I am finished with my picture of Peeta, I set it aside to let it dry and I ate my lunch. It felt strange to eat two whole meals in one day. After finishing my lunch and having spend a good amount of time in the meadow, I decided it was time to leave. After how great it felt to be in the meadow I knew I would be coming back here often. This place helped me just like it helped Peeta.

I remembered to stop by the store to get some baking supplies. After I picked out the basic supplies like flour, sugar, eggs, I went to picking more specific things. I tried to remember things that I liked. So I grabbed a considerable amount of cheese from the dairy. The last place I went to was the spice aisle. As soon as I was in the aisle I could smell it. It smelled like him, cinnamon. I was so happy to even be able to smell him that I bought more cinnamon then I would be able to use in a lifetime.

After going to the store, the meadow, to visit Haymitch, I realized it was time to go home. I did not want to push myself to far in one day. So I headed toward Victor's Village, arms full of supplies for an activity I did not really understand how to do.

I finally make my way home. When I got there, something felt off. As soon as the door clicked shut, my heart stopped.

"Katniss?" Someone asked, followed by the unmistakable frantic step of a prostatic leg.

He came back for me.

**dun, Dun, DUN! I hope you guys liked it :) Please review! Thanks :)**

**~Chloe Jo**


	3. Chapter 3: For Me

**Hey guys! Thank you so much for reviewing and putting me on your favorites lists. You are all amazing!**

**I am really excited for this so happy reading! **

Chapter 3: For Me

_By: Chloe Jo_

He came back, for me. I couldn't breathe, my heart wasn't beating. He was here, franticly trying to get to me through my house.

I didn't know why, but I kept my eyes shut tight and my back pressed against the wall. I was worried I had pushed myself to far today and my mind was having some kind of glitch from all of the strange activity today. It this wasn't real, it would destroy me. I would be a thousand times worst then I was this morning when I woke up.

I could hear the steps stop close to me, a few feet away from me. Still afraid my mind is betraying me, I ask in a pleading whisper, "You are actually here. Real or not real?"

"Real." He whispers just as lightly.

It was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard. I still could not bring myself to open my eyes, because it would be like waking up from a dream that was to amazing to be true. I started sinking to the ground but was enveloped in the warm circle of his arms before I had even fallen a few inches.

"Do you really not want to see me so badly that you will not even open your eyes? I can… leave if you truly do not want to see me…" He said in the smallest, most hurt voice.

Before he even had time to loosen his grip on me, my eyes shot open and I yelled, "NO! Please don't leave me!" In that moment, I got to look in to the mesmerizing blue eyes that have occupied my mind for the past three months. When looking at them I knew my painting did not do him even the slightest justice. But most importantly I knew I was finally home.

It seemed like neither of us could move for what seemed an eternity, which was just fine with me. He finally let me go and looked at my feet. I had not realized that I had dropped my bags from the store, much less the mess I had made. The eggs had broken everywhere, but the bags of flour and sugar had not broken open. But what really caused the mess was the cinnamon. It was everywhere. All Peeta could do was laugh.

I chose that taking the unbroken baking supplies to the kitchen should be the first step in the clean up process, but before I could actually pick anything up Peeta had all the bags in his arms and was headed toward the kitchen. I could not let him leave my sight so I followed after him like a lost puppy who just found a child that would pet her.

I was as if he had never left, he knew exactly where everything was supposed to go, but that was probably because he was the one who had organized it in the first place. I went to the sink to get a rag with soap and water on it to start cleaning up the cinnamon mess. He did the same. Neither of us said anything while we cleaned, until curiosity got the best of him.

"May I ask you why you have so much cinnamon? You do know you could never actually use this much right?" He said with a chuckle, probably thinking the excessive amount of cinnamon was because of my lack of baking knowledge and not the real reason.

I decided to tell him the truth, "It smells like you… or you smell like it I guess… I mean… ugh, I don't know what I am saying…" I shut my mouth and look down with a red face before I make a bigger fool of myself. I suddenly have a need to focus intently on cleaning up the mess.

Within seconds we had the mess cleared up, with him having done most of the work. I took his rag and rushed to the kitchen, eager to escape all the questions he surly had about what I had just said. I was conflicted about that I was supposed to say and what I wanted him to know. I was still in shock that he was here. Today had so many unexpected surprises. Then I remembered what Haymitch had said…

"_You getting dressed isn't going to be your only surprise today honey, but good thing you look nice. It will make it better." _

He had known Peeta was coming home today. I was suddenly thrilled that he had come on the day I found the courage to wear his dress. I was a little embarrassed about how obsessed with him I seemed in this moment but did not really care. I knew if I was going to make this work, whatever this was, I had to tell him how I feel. Apparently I had been at the sink in such deep thought that I did not hear him behind me, but suddenly he was there.

"Please, you have to tell me, it is killing me. Did you really miss me? A portion of how much I missed you? Even a little?" He whispered in my ear. I shivered because it felt so good to have him with me. I did not think I had the words, but I did have something else to show him how I felt about him.

Before he could react I was sprinting to the front door and grabbed my painting from where I had hid it while we were cleaning. "Close your eyes" I told him. I walked back to him and placed the picture in his hands.

"Maybe this will be able to answer your question." As he was looking at it, he was speechless. In his silence I somehow found my words.

"Did I miss you? Even a little? I couldn't do anything without thinking of you. You are everywhere. You are my life. When I wake up in the morning the first thing I think about is you, the last thing I think about and dream about is you. I broke the mirror in my bathroom because I could not face the things I had done to you. Even looking at myself reminded me of you. You told me before you left that I had your heart. Well you had much more of me with you. You had and still have my heart, my soul, my entire being. I would die without you. I owe you more then I will ever be able to repay. Even after everything I have done to you, said to you. You are still giving me hope, making my life worth living. This dress was like the bread. It was a shining beckon of hope in the darkest night that seemed unending. So I put it on today and you changed everything. Even when you were not even here yet… So you ask if I missed you? Yes, yes I missed you and never want to feel that way again. Now I ask you the same question, did you miss me even a portion of how much I missed you?"

I never had said anything like this before, ever. It caused both of us to be speechless. As I had said this I had confidence in my voice but not in my body and I have stepped back several steps. Suddenly, in 3 long strides he closed the gap, grabbed my face and whispered, "You can't even imagine…"

Then he kissed me.

**Well… What did you think? Did you like it, hate it? Please let me know! I would absolutely love it if you would either review or PM me Thanks lovies! You all are great!**

**~Chloe Jo**


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